today... sucked.

I decided to stay up after sending Barry off to work this morning and watch the new episode of Merlin on Hulu. It was good. Dahlia toddled in a little after six, blurry eyed, blanket in one hand, hot pink lamb in the other.

Her: "I just want to sit with you."
Me: "Ok" (thinking: she's the cutest thing ever)
Her: "I brought my stuff."
Me: "I see that" (thinking: Christ I want to scoop her up and hold her so tight that she never gets any bigger.)

So I crawl back into bed with her and give her Barry's pillow and turn the light off and she holds my finger until we both fall asleep.

I wake up to the dog barking and her screaming. Now the dog as some of you know, was gotten from the used car dealership where they sold us our crap cars. Before that I think he was a fighting pit bull. He has the scars to suggest it and the temper around other dogs to seal my suspicions. So because of his sorted past he's been kept on the leash at all times. I just wrap the handle around a door knob and he hangs out. I know it's not a very nice way to keep an animal, but it was better than he was used to. The kids would go sit with him and give him hugs and kisses, and when we were having a bad storm I would hold him in my lap on the couch.

Fast forward to this morning. Dahlia scrambles up on the bed crying saying the dog bit her and stepped on her. From what I can tell she was lying next to him while he was enjoying some raw hide. She probably grabbed it and he said "no puppy that's mine" the way dogs do.

Dahlia's arm is fine. She has a little bruise and two very faint teeth marks.

I calmed her down and sent her to her room to entertain her brother. I had to focus on what needed to be done. First I put his bed in the back of the van. No turning back now. The box of dog biscuits and assorted rawhide/chewy toys went on the floor in the front seat. I put the last of his food in the storage space under his dish and moved that out too. I got the kids up, changed, dressed, and gave them some cereal. Then I let him out for the last time. I don't really remember what was going through my head. Just that it needed to be done, like quiting smoking when I got pregnant, no backing out.

I called Barry at work to let him know what happened. He was worried and wanted me to bring the kids by when I was done so he could see her arm for himself.
I got to the dealership and asked the owner if he still wanted the dog back. I guess there had been a few night break-ins since we took him. He said no I should take him to the pound. My head was reeling on what to do next. I saw the former owner out side on my way back to the car. A man named Tonto who's blind in one eye. I asked him if he wanted the dog back. He loved "Black" (we changed it to Methos) and did want to take him, but he'd already gotten a new puppy. But he made a phone call to a friend who wanted a dog and thankfully he took him. I didn't really say good bye because I didn't want to get upset. But as soon as I got in the car Dahlia started freaking out that she wanted her puppy and that she loved her puppy and I couldn't hold it together anymore. We went to see Barry at work so he could kiss her boo boo and see that she was ok.

The rest of the morning was alright. No questions about where he had gone. Lunch. Nap. Gregory and I slept until quarter to six. Dahlia came in my room around two and laid down with me again. I think she was making sure I was alright. They both get very upset when I cry.

We all got up, had a snack, played/snuggled for a bit. Then supper and jammies. I was still a little down so I figured I'd bring the kids to see Barry at work to say "na-nights". I carried them both to the car so they wouldn't get their little feety pajamas dirty. I noticed that the parking lights were on and thought to myself "I'm sure it's fine, it hasn't been that long." I got them all buckled and the car won't start... great. Ok I can roll with the punches. "kids, wait here" I walked to the only neighbors we're friendly with. No jumper cables. I asked a few people I saw pull up. Nope and nope. The kids were sweating in their jammies at this point but they weren't complaining because they wanted to see daddy. So I unbuckled everyone. Now the crying starts, them and me. Well maybe we'll just call daddy and say "na night". He should be on his break right about now.
My phone's been shut off for non-payment.

That was my day. Sorry no cute photos of the kids.